10 Ways Childhood Trauma Affects Daily Life

Although it occurred in the past, childhood trauma can well bleed into the present. It can affect the way you view yourself, the world and the relationships you have. It can also hinder or limit the pleasures that life has to offer.

 The best approach to overcoming childhood trauma is by understanding it. It’s a journey that takes courage and strength, but it is 100% worth it in order to live a fulfilling and happy life.

This article covers ten ways in which unresolved childhood trauma can affect your everyday life.

1. Lack of self love 

You have a hard time identifying things about yourself you like, let alone love. Self love seems like a foreign subject to you. You can’t identify what you are good at, feel proud of your accomplishments, or show vulnerability. Because you simply don’t know how to show love to yourself, you can have a hard time showing love to others.

2. Loss of identity

You have trouble figuring out who you are. You’re unsure of what you like or don’t like. You often “mold” yourself to fit in with other people. You hide parts of yourself from different groups of people in your life. For example, you are a completely different person around your friends vs your family. You may even go as far as mimicking small behaviors of the people you associate with because you are so out of touch with the person you truly are.

3. Dissociating- even when you’re safe

Dissociation is the mental act of stepping out of your body and viewing your physical self as if it were another person. This is a common coping mechanism among children who have experienced ongoing abuse. It’s a way to prevent yourself from feeling physical or emotional pain. 

The process of dissociation can contribute to loss in your sense of identity. It can also become difficult to remain present within your body.

4. Trouble letting go

You often succumb yourself to toxic significant others, friends or even family members. You return to toxic relationships because in some ways it gives you a sense of familiarity, something your mind, body and brain are all used to from the traumatic events you once experienced. 

5. People-pleasing

You do anything for other people to like you even if that means you’re uncomfortable. You often find yourself in situations asking yourself, “why did I agree to do this?” or “this is not what I really want to be doing right now.” Oftentimes, you will put the needs of others first while completely ignoring your own. 

6. Difficulty setting boundaries

Creating healthy boundaries are essential for personal growth and being attentive to your needs. It means learning how to say “no” when it’s in your best interest. It means putting yourself first and could be tied into people-pleasing. Unresolved childhood trauma can single-handedly halt your ability to set boundaries.

7. Self esteem issues

Feeling enough is just entirely out of your equation. You often feel like everyone else has it “figured” out while you just exist. You may appear shy to others, but on the inside there is a bubbly side of you that you wish to reveal to the world, but you may not know how. You have a hard time accepting compliments because you truly don’t believe them.

8. Empathy

While being empathic can be considered an overall positive trait, it is usually born out of children experiencing intense traumatic events. Oftentimes, if your caregivers fought a lot, abused you in any way, or even abused themselves via substance abuse, you as a child try to “read” them and what they are thinking. Empathy is a developed survival mechanism to try to predict the mood of your abuser. 

9. Inability to trust

You are very skeptical of new people you meet, which makes it difficult to create long-lasting and meaningful relationships. You often feel like an outcast from yourself, let alone in your social groups. This inability to trust can result in feelings of loneliness and social anxiety. 

10. Guilt

You often feel guilty for things that are not your fault. This is common among those who have witnessed their parents fight as children. When adolescent children witness violence within their household, they tend to blame themselves which leads to a buildup of guilt. Sometimes the guilt is irrational- like blaming one’s self for a building that is on fire. You can even feel guilty for setting healthy boundaries for yourself.

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If you are impacted by any of the affects above, I want you to know that you are not alone. If you’re comfortable with it, I would love to hear how you cope with the residual burden of unresolved trauma. Thank you for reading.

Love & Light,

Cindy Natalia