The mental weight of long hair

I never put much thought into hair and the psychological toll it can put on a person. That is, not until I felt the dire need to chop my hair off after some traumatic life events. If you have had long hair and faced the need to cut it off in order to achieve mental clarity, you may be able to relate to this post. 

Having long hair is fine and dandy until a major, usually detrimental, change has occurred in our lives. Our long hair, the thing that we once found so much joy in, suddenly becomes a heavy burden to literally carry on our shoulders. We often find ourselves chopping our hairs in order to let go of something.

I’ve cut my hair twice in my life. That may not sound like a big deal to some, but for me they both timestamped important periods of my life where I was ready for a change.

The first time I cut my hair was after my very first breakup (way back in the day). I knew I wanted to be completely done with this person, and I thought that by cutting my hair off I was somehow metaphorically closing a chapter in my life. This left me feeling free, empowered and like I was on the right track to putting together the pieces of a broken heart. 

The second time I had cut my hair, was after I had experienced a miscarriage in the early parts of 2021. I can talk more in depth about that experience in another post, but for now we are talking about hair and the emotional toll it took on my life. What I experienced the second time around was very different from my first heartbreak chop.

My second chop left me feeling extremely vulnerable which led me to wondering a few things. Is the act of cutting your hair short a major life change itself? Could different milestones cause us to feel differently depending on the circumstance? Why did I think that chopping off my locks, that had long provided me with a sense of confidence, security, and “swag” was a good idea? Could it be that my miscarriage was way out of my own control and I wanted to make a choice that was within my own control?

FYI, I highly recommend you get your hair cut by a professional, especially if it’s for something drastic like going from long to short. I highly advise against making the same mistake I did when I impulsively decided to grab a pair of hair shears and cut off more than half the length of my hair. To be honest, I was afraid to cut my hair “too” short on my own, so I gave myself a collarbone cut. It was by no means perfect and it took some time to get used to. 

I spent about 4 weeks of my life chopping away at my hairs any chance I got. It finally got to the point where I was afraid to proceed any further because I didn’t want to mess it up to the point of no return. I eventually saw a professional stylist who was able to give me a sleek short cut. It looked amazing, but after I got home I bawled my eyes out for about an hour. Which brings me to the next thought, why are we so emotionally attached to our hair? 

One answer I could think of is the cultural stigmas related to long hair. Growing up I was always told, “don’t cut your hair, it’s what makes you beautiful.” So cutting my hair, in some ways, is an act of rebellion- something I always thought I shouldn’t do. And man, does it feel good doing the things we were told not to do. Why do we impose these irrational fears on young girls in certain cultures? If you have been affected by something similar, I encourage you to break this cycle and to empower the girls around you to do what makes them feel happiest. 

After my second cut, I felt like it had aligned perfectly with my then post-miscarriage state of mind. I was feeling a lot of doubt, insecurity, not as worthy and all I thought about was my hair. All I wished for was for it to grow back so I may go back to feeling beautiful again. But why and how is that even a thought that crosses a person’s mind? How can our hair make or break our confidence in this way and why is it as a society that we put so much importance in the length of the hairs of women?

I am obviously not a psychologist and I don’t have the experience under my belt to come up with an accurate assessment, but these are things that have affected me in more ways than I’d like to admit. I have spoken to a few other women and they have expressed similar experiences when it comes to cutting their hair and going short. 

I’d like to report that after many months of chopping my hair off, feeling vulnerable, and insecure, I have finally come to terms that I am much more than the length of my hair. I’ve been journeying a road to self love and although I am not where I want to be, I’ve decided that I’m going to be happy along the way.

The bottomline is, cutting your hair can be one of the most empowering things you do for yourself. If it doesn’t empower you immediately, give yourself some time. Be kind to yourself and trust the process. Sometimes we make a subconscious decision to step out of our comfort zones even if it’s in unorthodox ways like chopping our hair off. The bottom BOTTOM line is, it’s just hair and it will grow back. 

If you have experienced something similar I would love to hear from you in the comments below. If you are currently experiencing this, please know that you are not alone and that you are beautiful regardless of the length of your hair.