Statistics show that Americans spend on average five to six hours on their smartphone or what I like to call “the void” a day. Can we think about that for a second? We spend five to six hours on our phones on average A DAY! I realized in the midst of a depression episode that my phone was the bane of my existence. It distracted me from what I was facing and encouraged me to indulge in escapism instead of solving the problem at hand.
I spent a few months on the void after my miscarriage and it just left me feeling lost and unmotivated. It was like a lust for instant gratification. I would wake up in the morning and spend hours just scrolling on Facebook, getting upset by some stupid shit someone was saying, closed out of that, jump on to Instagram, scrolled some more. And it was almost like I was a robot. I didn’t even think about what I was doing, I just mindlessly scrolled through social media.
After repeating this pattern for a few months, I found the saddest, most unmotivated, and most lost version of myself that I have ever experienced before. Which was ironic at the time because we had recently moved to Austin, bought the house of our dreams, the cars of our dreams, lived in an equally beautiful and friendly neighborhood, with THE best neighbors you can even think of on the brink of this shiny new life I was about to embark on. I had a fresh start, was messing around with interior design (my true love and passion- I think) and I was shooting to start my own business.
My major plan was majorly interrupted when I stumbled into a pit of depression right after my miscarriage. Woohoo, depression, Cindy, party of one. I stayed there for a while and well, that was my “void” aka smartphone days. I was ravenous for that social-stimuli and all-you-can-eat buffet of dopamine. And let me tell you, I gobbled that shit up. I fell right into the statistic of spending five to six hours a day on my phone, scrolling away and achieving absolutely nothing and feeling like absolute crap at the end of it. It was like I had created a bubble around myself and the outside world was dead to me.
After about 3 months, I saw a little light at the end of a tunnel. I know I said depression was a pit earlier, but somehow the universe opened up a whole ass tunnel for me so I went through it and finally saw the light at the end. Long story short, I was slowly returning to myself. I was ready to put in the work required to get out of my depression. I started the process of self love, something I had never done before.
When you look at your phone and absorb so much information first thing in the morning, you neglect yourself by not addressing your intentions first. What are my goals for the day? What are some things about myself that I am unhappy with and need to address? How can I improve certain aspects of myself today? What can I create? What makes ME happy? So I started putting my phone away until my morning routine was over. At first I was extremely irritable. Could it have been linked to the fact that my brain was dependent on dopamine provided by the void for those three months? I don’t know. I’d like to think that’s a plausible theory because your girl was annoyyyyyyed and definitely in a funk for a few days, maybe even weeks.
After months of being disconnected, I was astonished at how much my life had changed for the better. I felt like I wanted to reconnect with people again. I had really isolated myself during the period of my depression. I didn’t care to see anyone, talk to anyone, text anyone, nothing. I also had no intentions of being friends with the friends that I had made during that time because that was not my true self.
Bottom line, shit was bad. I spent a LOT of time alone. The only thing I kept thinking was that I wanted to be happy. That thought didn’t leave my mind during that entire period. It almost kept me going. Also, shout out to my hubby for having my back during that dark period. You are my rock.
Spending time in the present has taught me so much about myself and I felt like I had transformed into my most authentic self. I was ready to do what was necessary to achieve the level of happiness I desired. I was willing to be disciplined and consistent in order to achieve that happiness. I truly do not think this would be possible if I was still spending countless hours scrolling through Instagram.
Btw, this is not to say I don’t use social networks anymore. I do, but I am very mindful and very strict about the time I spend on them. Once in a while I’ll catch myself scrolling through Instagram like a zombie and I will immediately stop myself. I’d give my discipline score about 80%.
All that being said, are you a mindless scroller/ Instagram zombie? If so, I encourage you to be mindful of the time you spend scrolling through your phone and how it could be holding you back from your full potential. Think about all that we can achieve if we spent a little more time with ourselves in the present. At the BARE minimum I hope you resist the urge to look at your phone first thing in the morning and spend some time with yourself.
Thanks so much for reading. Sending you all love and light <3
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